Like many others, I like to have nice things. Or, at least something new or different every once in a while. You know upgrade, update, etc. But, at this point in my life when looking at new things I have to remind myself, “We can’t have nice things-we have children.”  So decisions for what to buy are based around these key questions: Can it be washed? Will it show dirt, food,…..boogers? (Yes, boogers-this is a question that must be asked, this also applies to clothing for mothers. It doesn’t matter how many Kleenexes you stuff in their pockets and yours, they will inevitably wipe their nose on your shirt, pants whatever you are wearing at their “nose level”)  Is it something that will be easily broken, scratched or destroyed just by looking at it? Will I be able to get stickers off of it? (I despise stickers -and the kids seem to get them from everyone-doctor, dentist, Walmart. And don’t get me started on stickers that have gone through the washer and the dryer on clothing!)

It’s been a tough few days around here for our “things” between stickers on the TV, gymnastics gone wrong in the house and unicorn puke.

The other day, I was out picking my garden (my fourth baby –  which is another story for another day) and our oldest comes running out of the house, telling me I need to “Come quick!” for a half a second I panic thinking someone is hurt, then I realize nobody is screaming or crying (that I can hear, so no one is dying ) so I ask, “Why?” which is responded to with “Just ’cause you need to”. To which I replied, “It would be in your best interest to tell me what’s going on.” To which she says these 7 dreaded words…”There is melted crayons on the carpet.”

Oh Lord help me! I start to internally panic again. This is the conversation with myself that ran through my head for the next 5 seconds: How in the heck did they melt crayons? It’s a whopping 70 degrees out today-they certainly didn’t melt because it is too hot-especially in the house. Oh my gosh, is it the scented wax melt from in the kitchen?!?! Wax!, Why wax?!? How will I ever get that out of the carpet?!?! (Thinking it’s the living room Carpet that was just laid a couple years ago-carpet that did not need replacing as of 10 minutes ago!)

I rush into the house to find the “melted crayons” on the area rug in the front entry. (Whew, one pricey crisis averted.) Aw, but I really like that rug. Earlier that day when I was vacuuming it, I had made a mental note that it is getting a little worn and dirty-not as fresh as it was when we first got it. But I was not ready to part with it yet.

But now, it looks like a unicorn puked right in the middle of it. Upon further inspection, these were not melted, but were disintegrated. Apparently those wonderful “washable” crayons, when put into a bucket with water will break down and turn into sludge. And when your children dump the bucket out (because you can’t just pick through it looking for the color you want-you must dump out the entire contents of containers-this is an instinct I swear all children are born with) you end up with what looks like I imagine the very colorful stomach contents of a unicorn to be.

After picking up the chunks, I found baby wipes (about 20+ of them) to be quite helpful in getting the rest (well most) of it out.

So, since we can’t have nice things yet, maybe I should just start writing down all the messes and the fixes and make a book out of it for new unsuspecting parents. (Maybe I can use the profits to buy nice stuff in the future.)